Very Berry Shortcake
Mascarpone flavored ice cream with a berry swirl and cake pieces
Date Tried - April 12, 2023
Location - Seated in a booth
Format - Cone
Milkshake it? - No
Buy Again? - Yes
OK, I’ll admit it. Last week, things got a little out of hand with Cherry Vanilla. But that review was the most fun I’ve had putting this newsletter together in some time. And we must remind ourselves: no one asked me to do this. So, if I’m not having fun doing it, then we find ourselves in a bit of an existential pickle (flavor idea?) over the questions of Purpose and Capacity.
But this is not why you’ve come here today. You’ve come for the task at hand, an honest assessment of Very Berry Shortcake.
On with it, man!
Allow me to quote myself, from my February 8th review of Tiramisu: “Forward we march together through all of the flavors, Limited Edition and permanent canon alike…Even you, Peanut Butter Jelly Time.”
This, sadly, was a lie. At the time, my intentions were noble—I did want to give you unadulterated commentary on all of the flavors. But in April, Stewart’s dropped a blizzard of new Limited Edition flavors: Brownie Points, Daily Grind, Mint Cookie Scout, Peanut Butter Pie, Salted Caramel Cheesecake, Strawberry Sunrise Sherbet & Very Berry Shortcake.
Somewhere in Saratoga Springs, there is an individual in a high, dark tower—probably wearing an eye patch—who is cackling maniacally as they slowly stroke a cat and observe my struggle from afar.
They know I can’t keep up; they’ve designed it this way. So, Reader, I break my promise to you. But I do want to give you a sampling of this new class of Limited Edition flavors, so I’ll do my best to sneak one or two more into the fold before things wrap for good.
[It should also be noted that Peanut Butter Jelly Time is no longer a flavor. I’ll do the right thing and say “Oh shoot, I never got to try it!” but we’ll all quietly know I don’t mean it. ]
Out of all the new choices, I selected Very Berry Shortcake for one reason: it has a mascarpone base. Diligent readers will recall that the only other flavor with a mascarpone base is Tiramisu, another Limited Edition flavor that absolutely knocked my socks off and forced me into the lie that I referenced above. This base was good—more than good, even—but it didn’t have the same over the top “wow” factor of Tiramisu. However, Stewart’s should consider a simple mascarpone flavor with no mix-ins.
Who knows, it could be the next Vanilla.
The “berry swirl” is described as just that, no further specification. I took a short trip to the ingredient list online (this flavor is only available at the scoop counter) and discovered that it’s a blend of strawberries, blueberries, red raspberries and elderberry juice for color. Honestly, it would be a mouthful to list all of that, so I commend their shorthand. But I can’t help but feel like the berry aspect of the flavor could withstand some simplification.
Lastly, the cake pieces. They are a nice addition and I don’t have any actual complaints about their presence. But, back in high school when I worked at Dairy Queen, I feared the cake pieces that were used for Blizzards. This container was the hardest to clean on a nightly basis—which meant that the teenagers who ran the joint almost never did so, resulting in a thick mold that grew along the bottom of the container. There existed a quiet understanding that, if you could avoid it, you should never eat the cake pieces.
Admittedly, this was cheesecake—a far cry from the cake pieces present in Very Berry Shortcake. It’s unfair of me to project my past fears onto Stewart’s, but such is the way of the human condition.
All in all, Very Berry Shortcake is a good flavor—solid. I wouldn’t be surprised if it made the leap to permanent status, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if it didn’t.
I’m happy I got to try it, but it’s no Tiramisu.