Crumbs Along the Mohawk
Graham cracker flavored ice cream with graham cracker pieces and a caramel swirl
Date Tried - April 14, 2023
Location - Seated with a portion of the Malmgren family
Format - Half Gallon
Milkshake It? - No
Buy Again? - No
I don’t have a lifelong relationship with the Adirondacks. My first meaningful visit to the region was around 2014. That is when I was introduced to Stewart’s. I think I recall seeing Crumbs Along the Mohawk in the shop during that visit, I can’t say for sure. I know for certain that I saw, purchased, and drank a fair number of Mountain Brew Lights, a since-discontinued Stewart’s beer that tasted like water and had much the same effect. Back in 2020, when the announcement was made, Stewart’s posted an “In Loving Memory” page on their website which contains, among other tributes, a haiku written by someone named “Punished Christopher” :
Cold Mountain Brew Light
exposed chest hit by the sun
Satisfaction now.
It’s a curious a poem, much like the name of this flavor. Crumbs Along the Mohawk—excuse me? What is this? Why is this the only geographical allusion to Stewart’s Country that exists in the canon of flavor titles? And why is it so specifically weird?
Well friends, it turns out that Crumbs Along the Mohawk is a bygone pop culture reference, one that I imagine is lost on at least 95% of Stewart’s patrons, myself included. In 1936, Walter D. Edmonds published a novel called Drums Along the Mohawk, a story of settlers who land in New York’s Mohawk Valley during the American Revolutionary War. The book was an instant bestseller and, in 1939, was turned into a movie starring Henry Fonda and Claudette Colbert. On their website, Stewart’s claims, “The historical fiction film, Drums Along the Mohawk, inspired this delicious flavor.”
This sits OK with me. This wildly outdated reference has somehow managed to bypass the aging American consciousness, to live on in this peculiar corner of the dairy world. According to Barry Popik, a man who runs a website dedicated to uncovering the origins of the term “The Big Apple” (and, apparently, where he posts all his pictures of himself with former Mayor of New York City, Michael Bloomberg), Crumbs Along the Mohawk was released in the year 2000—a full SIXTY ONE years after the movie version of Drums Along the Mohawk came out.
That is an objectively hilarious amount of time and, again, I’m OK with it.
What I’m not OK with is the implication that this flavor profile accurately reflects the exposition of this fictional tale. I’ve neither read the book nor have I seen the film, but it’s a classic wartime drama, filled with the inspirational spirit of revolutionary folk who are prepared to die for little more than an idea. Honor, patriotism, exceptionalism, etc.
Crumbs Along the Mohawk—the ice cream flavor—is not filled with these things; it is filled with graham crackers. These coarse, lightly sweetened whole wheat crackers are a direct product of Sylvester Graham’s preaching— he was a strong proponent of temperance and diet reform and had lofty ideas about the role that food should play in the lives of good, moral Americans. For the sake of certain delicate readers (hello, Grandma), I’ll refrain from commenting any further.
…Let’s just say his teachings were more concerned with constraint than independence, more focused on self repression than self discovery.
I was scared to review this one. I know people love this flavor and I didn’t want to tear it, and its aficionados, to shreds. The second ever review that I shared publicly was Happy Camper. Back then, the reviews were much shorter. Perhaps some of you wish they still were.
Though, I’m inclined to think that, if you feel this way, you probably dropped off a long time ago.
Both Happy Camper and Crumbs Along the Mohawk share the same skeletal structure: a graham cracker flavored ice cream base with graham cracker pieces. However, in Crumbs Along the Mohawk, we have another instance of the infamously controversial caramel swirl standing in place of Happy Camper’s marshmallow swirl. Plus, there are no peanut butter cups.
In my Happy Camper review, I noted an “intense, syrupy sweet that pools in the rear corners of your mouth and threatens your overall swallowing ability through sheer viscosity.” Thankfully, this is not the case in Crumbs Along the Mohawk. That evening, I had two small helpings. And, by the end, it kind of was too sweet. But that’s a huge step up from my reaction to Happy Camper; I thought that flavor was bad and I continue to think that.
I won’t buy Crumbs Along the Mohawk again, but I also won’t look down on you if you do.
Side note: Today, June 28th—the day this review is hitting your inbox—is the day of my birth! I’m 34 now, which is 11 less years than the amount of individual Stewart’s flavors that I’ve tried. Let’s see who can outlive the other…
Me, your faithful Captain…or this ice cream challenge.
Happy Birthday - Assuming you received my card and $. Grandma V